Some Messages

"I mean, if it all goes south you'll have good material for your blog."

"I'd prefer not to think of my dating life as potential terrible stories to share."

"Yeah, but imagine the clicks you'd get!"

"I know. People seem to really enjoy my misery." (Pause) "You aren't helping."

"I'm trying to buck you up."

"I don't need to be bucked up! I need to not be excited about this in case it ends up disappointing."

"Ha! You, not excited? Is that possible?"

"No. Not really."

***

"Hey, thanks for your interest, but kids are not my thing, and I'm afraid they're a dealbreaker for me. Good luck."

"They live with their mother."

"Still, I'm sorry, not my thing. Good luck."

"God, you didn't seem like you would be so fucking shallow."

***

"Hey, apparently I'm supposed to message you because algorithms say we're compatible."

"Well, who am I to argue with mathematics?"

"Let's get the shibboleths out of the way. I love Neil Gaiman. Doctor Who isn't my thing, but I love The West Wing and The Wire. I've played in more than one tabletop game tournament."

"You're cleared for further conversation."

"Here's the thing. I don't know how you feel about meeting dating site people after one good email exchange, but I'd like to meet you for a drink so we can talk about books." 

"You said the magic phrase: "talk about books." Where and when?" 

***

"It just seems kinda weird to be getting all fluttery about someone I haven't met yet. I don't want to get too amped up and then just be disappointed."

"Yeah, that's legitimate."

"Blorch."

"I mean, to be fair, I had this same conversation with my bestie when she was emailing with her (now) husband."

"Oh man, and he's wonderful. They're wonderful."

"Yeah. So. I mean. Don't go in there with your dander up just for the sake of not being disappointed."

"As always,  you are the source and fountain of all truth. I love you like I love Doctor Who."

"Love you too, Kel."

***

"CAN I BE UR SLAVE OVER SKYPE?"

"Um, huh?"

"CAN I BE UR SLAVE OVER SKYPE?"

"Okay. First order, always spell out the word "your." Second order, never contact me again."

***

"I laughed and groaned at that one."

"I'm just pleased I'm still cleared for further conversation." 

"I realize this is going to make me sound tragically unhip, but I also have to confess that I *really* don't like Murakami." 

"Yes, but have you played Murakami bingo?"

"Oddly, yes."

"And I was worried we were going to run out of things to talk about."