I have been known to, on occasion, be a little sassy.

A Draft:

For Corey
After Repeatedly Encouraging Me to Use More Similes

The fact of the matter is that I cannot stand using them. It's like using the phrase "as if" or "Gee golly whiz." Staid. Meaningless. Or wearing a Chanel suit. It's difficult to do without pretension. Equally bad, the deliberately obtuse: "The trees are marching like Frenchmen." What does that even mean? Like black holes, sucking all the light and meaning from a poem. Or, really rich triple-chocolate lava cake with peanut butter ice cream. So sweet you can't have more than a bite for fear of sickness. Sometimes akin to Romance novel heroines, hysterical and overblown. Worse yet, like coffee made with too much water, weak and tasteless. Only occasionally like the first Minnesota snowfall, so crisp and straight forward.