No real post.
Just a list of songs that have been on my Itunes repeat lately.
Gotta Have You: The Weepies
O Valencia!: The Decemberists
The Crane Wife 3: The Decemberists
Number 1: Goldfrappe
Black Panther: Mason Jennings
Delicate: Damien Rice
Jurassic 5: Quality Control
Lloyd, I'm Ready to be Heartbroken: Camera Obscura
Sweet Carolina: Ryan Adams
In My Time of Need: Ryan Adams
Eve, Apple of My Eye: Bell X1
Twilight: Elliott Smith
The Sea & The Rhythm: Iron and Wine
California: Mason Jennings
Your Smile is a Drug: Patrick Park
Starfish and Coffee: Prince
I have an unhealthy love for writing lists.
Additionally, I'm not sure if it's sad, slightly disturbing, or awesome that I can see the final panel of this comic as something I say in the near future. I hope the response is the same as it is here.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
I've decided I'm going to start interviewing potential suitors through a committee. I hope to recruit the following individuals to aid me in the difficult, boring, and thankless screening process. I hope that the interviews will screen out the dim, self-absorbed, already engaged, and generally uninteresting men I seem to keep wasting my time with these days.
Applications will include a questionnaire and short essay. If selected for the first round of interviews, the subject will be asked to reserve at least a six hour period for questions from the panel and psychological testing. Interested parties should contact the KMJ Companion Project. Box 129, Minneapolis, MN 55406.
But all jocularity aside, I had a conversation last week with one of my roommates. I confided that when it comes to the opposite sex, I have ridiculously high expectations. She laughed and commented "Hon, those expectations aren't only for men you're dating." Touche.
That said, I've decided to narrow down my long list of requirements for gentlemen callers down to two main points.
Mother Prosen: Through Mother Prosen, the gentleman in question will get a decent sampling of Baker/Fitzpatrick female insanity. He'll be forced to confront anything from ADD to odd questions about bowel movements and hobbies. This will be a pretty good snapshot of what my own neuroses will turn into thirty or so years down the road.
Michelle: Best judge of physical and emotional compatibility. Best friend of nearly ten years. Standing up to her indecent questions and laughing at her self-deprecating stories is a must.
Pumpkin: Nerd Alert! Will be able to determine if the suitor is a suitable nerd fit by asking him to finish the follow exchange:
"Fast ship? You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?"
"Should I have?"
(Answer here)
Wilderness Survivalist (TBD): I'm not joking. I don't date men who can't start a fire, split wood, portage a canoe, fish, or otherwise enjoy the outdoors.
GRE Test Administrator: Well, not quite. But I'm a big, intellectual dork at heart, and a certain amount of compatibility there is necessary to my personal happiness in a relationship.
Applications will include a questionnaire and short essay. If selected for the first round of interviews, the subject will be asked to reserve at least a six hour period for questions from the panel and psychological testing. Interested parties should contact the KMJ Companion Project. Box 129, Minneapolis, MN 55406.
But all jocularity aside, I had a conversation last week with one of my roommates. I confided that when it comes to the opposite sex, I have ridiculously high expectations. She laughed and commented "Hon, those expectations aren't only for men you're dating." Touche.
That said, I've decided to narrow down my long list of requirements for gentlemen callers down to two main points.
- Must be a baseball fan. At this point, I'll even date a Twins fan. (Although after Friday and Saturday I've had a little bit of the air taken out of my sails. Yost is an idiot and needs to get it together. Hardy is out with a strained rotator cuff. I'm so bummed I could cry. But I digress. Forgive me for the links, but I'm not sure how many people are Brewers fans) Baseball is my favorite sport, and a must in my line-up of summertime activities. It doesn't get much better than sitting in the backyard, listening to Ueck announce a game. If I can't share my love of baseball with someone we're not going anywhere.
- Must love Jane Austen. Normally, there would be a checklist of books/authors the guy must enjoy. However, for the sake of simplicity I've narrowed it down to just Jane. Tolkien can be inaccessible, and most of the world has never read Theological Investigations, so I needed to get it down to something both accessible and deeply loved. When I have a bad day, I watch some of the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice and smile like a dope throughout the entire movie. During the scene when Darcy and Elizabeth walk to Meryton together, I usually cry and feel like my heart is going to explode. I hold Maggie's hand when we watch it together. I love Austen's wit and her sparkling dialogue. I hope to write like her someday (particularly in Love and Friendship. *pffffffft*) I need someone who won't just walk in, roll his eyes while I cry for the 3,000th time at the end of Mansfield Park, and then leave.
Gentlemen who meet these two requirements can skip the questionnaire, essay, and interview process. I'll be in my backyard grilling and listening to the game. If things go well enough, perhaps we'll find ourselves reading some Sense and Sensibility while we're both drifting off.
Until then I think I'm going to start collecting newspapers and cats.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Almighty
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
-C.S. Lewis
I find myself in a bit of a faith bind at present. Not the epic faith crisis of finding out that the Bible is in fact, made up, but an interesting predicament nonetheless. It is mostly the result of two gentlemen, of whom I'm sure one would be infinitely amused if he knew how much difficulty his questions are causing.
The difficulty comes not from any disbelief in the doctrine of the Resurrection, or a deep rooted distrust in the validity of Scripture. Instead, I find myself focusing on something else I've always found particularly troublesome.
Prayer.
My senior year in college I had to take an upper-division theology class preselected by the department. I enrolled in Benedictine Spirituality and embarked on one of the most painfully boring academic experiences of my life. However, one of our conversations centered on prayer and spirituality. One of the books we read was about praying our experiences. I was irritated enough by most of the fluffy class content, but this one took the cake. The book's premise is that we can communicate with God by simply by talking through our day with another person.
Are you kidding? I mean, really? This constituted an upper division theology class? It was so fluffy and seemed like such an insincere cop-out of a prayer style that I wasn't the only person to leave the class feeling like I had just wasted well over an hour of my life. Despite our feelings of frustration, many of use acknowledged that we were bad "pray-ers" and that despite devoting four years of our respective lives studying God, we didn't know how to talk to Her. Most of us pushed this to the back of our minds and went about the everyday business of understanding God intellectually instead of trying to maintain a relationship.
Well, the question remained unanswered and I've always been nagged by the thought that there's something wrong with the way I pray. I've hated intercessory prayer for a long, long time. I've never been able to reason out why some intercessions are "answered" and some are not. I deeply dislike the expression "God has a plan for you" when used as a kind of condolence. It's a more arrogant response than anyone who's been in a position of real pain or distress should have to hear. How condescending can you be?
This is where my difficulty as a Christian lies. We are specifically told to pray for the recovery of our sick and our daily bread (to use Lewis's turn of phrase.) As I became a disciple (so to speak) of Rahner's I thought that I finally found a way out of my difficulty. Instead of praying for the recovery of our sick, we should pray for the grace to understand God's will in the world. This seemed to solve the difficulty for some time. But, again, the more I think about it, the more ridiculous this whole concept of prayer seems. I want, and believe that I am hard-wired to want, a God that I can understand personally. I want to be able to talk to Her the same way I talk to my mom when something's bothering me. I want to believe that there's an answer waiting somewhere for me if I can ever shut up long enough to hear it.
At this point, it seems as though the most intellectually sound thing I could do would be one of the following.
I'm not really a fan of either of these options. I don't have my blinders entirely on here. I know that religion is responsible for a number of horrifying things (the Crusades, the degradation of women, wars, etc.). But I've also seen the liberating aspects of faith when it (in my opinion) is used to better understand the world and build the kingdom on earth. I believe whole-heartedly that faith can, and does, help people to transform. My own conversion has transformed my life. It, like Lewis has said, has allowed me to see a number of other aspects of life that were hidden from me.
But it seems as though this transformation cannot occur without a personal God who listens and responds when you talk. But at the same time, I can't quite reconcile that God who listens to any of my intellectual ideas about God.
Perhaps I'm really an apostate and don't want to admit to it. It's possible that studying theology at a master's level is the very last thing that I need to do at this point in my life.
I'll wrap up with the video that really made me pause and try to figure out what my own feelings on prayer are.
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/112
-C.S. Lewis
I find myself in a bit of a faith bind at present. Not the epic faith crisis of finding out that the Bible is in fact, made up, but an interesting predicament nonetheless. It is mostly the result of two gentlemen, of whom I'm sure one would be infinitely amused if he knew how much difficulty his questions are causing.
The difficulty comes not from any disbelief in the doctrine of the Resurrection, or a deep rooted distrust in the validity of Scripture. Instead, I find myself focusing on something else I've always found particularly troublesome.
Prayer.
My senior year in college I had to take an upper-division theology class preselected by the department. I enrolled in Benedictine Spirituality and embarked on one of the most painfully boring academic experiences of my life. However, one of our conversations centered on prayer and spirituality. One of the books we read was about praying our experiences. I was irritated enough by most of the fluffy class content, but this one took the cake. The book's premise is that we can communicate with God by simply by talking through our day with another person.
Are you kidding? I mean, really? This constituted an upper division theology class? It was so fluffy and seemed like such an insincere cop-out of a prayer style that I wasn't the only person to leave the class feeling like I had just wasted well over an hour of my life. Despite our feelings of frustration, many of use acknowledged that we were bad "pray-ers" and that despite devoting four years of our respective lives studying God, we didn't know how to talk to Her. Most of us pushed this to the back of our minds and went about the everyday business of understanding God intellectually instead of trying to maintain a relationship.
Well, the question remained unanswered and I've always been nagged by the thought that there's something wrong with the way I pray. I've hated intercessory prayer for a long, long time. I've never been able to reason out why some intercessions are "answered" and some are not. I deeply dislike the expression "God has a plan for you" when used as a kind of condolence. It's a more arrogant response than anyone who's been in a position of real pain or distress should have to hear. How condescending can you be?
This is where my difficulty as a Christian lies. We are specifically told to pray for the recovery of our sick and our daily bread (to use Lewis's turn of phrase.) As I became a disciple (so to speak) of Rahner's I thought that I finally found a way out of my difficulty. Instead of praying for the recovery of our sick, we should pray for the grace to understand God's will in the world. This seemed to solve the difficulty for some time. But, again, the more I think about it, the more ridiculous this whole concept of prayer seems. I want, and believe that I am hard-wired to want, a God that I can understand personally. I want to be able to talk to Her the same way I talk to my mom when something's bothering me. I want to believe that there's an answer waiting somewhere for me if I can ever shut up long enough to hear it.
At this point, it seems as though the most intellectually sound thing I could do would be one of the following.
- Drop the label of a Christian and the necessary prayer baggage that comes with it. (Much easier said than done, particularly as there's still that sticky believe in the Resurrection.)
- Languish in a state of non-prayer and disregard it. Focus on the more concrete aspects of Catholicism (Catholic Social Teaching, mainly)
I'm not really a fan of either of these options. I don't have my blinders entirely on here. I know that religion is responsible for a number of horrifying things (the Crusades, the degradation of women, wars, etc.). But I've also seen the liberating aspects of faith when it (in my opinion) is used to better understand the world and build the kingdom on earth. I believe whole-heartedly that faith can, and does, help people to transform. My own conversion has transformed my life. It, like Lewis has said, has allowed me to see a number of other aspects of life that were hidden from me.
But it seems as though this transformation cannot occur without a personal God who listens and responds when you talk. But at the same time, I can't quite reconcile that God who listens to any of my intellectual ideas about God.
Perhaps I'm really an apostate and don't want to admit to it. It's possible that studying theology at a master's level is the very last thing that I need to do at this point in my life.
I'll wrap up with the video that really made me pause and try to figure out what my own feelings on prayer are.
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/112
Untitled Poem
The days are too short.
Too full of angry voices
or cold disappointment. The best
hours wasted to computers,
phones, mail merges. They slip by,
barely noticed or painstakingly counted
until 4:30 and quitting time.
Today, I will lengthen the day.
Draw a warm bath and sink into it.
There, with eyes closed, I will meet you.
Only known through half-remembered dreams
and second-hand accounts. We've arranged
to introduce ourselves at the edge of the lake.
Together we'll walk in the autumn sunshine
and talk about Wild Geese and why Franny
won't get up from the sofa. Or maybe we can just share
those few thoughts that may have passed unconsciously
between us while one was rising, and the other just falling
asleep.
Too full of angry voices
or cold disappointment. The best
hours wasted to computers,
phones, mail merges. They slip by,
barely noticed or painstakingly counted
until 4:30 and quitting time.
Today, I will lengthen the day.
Draw a warm bath and sink into it.
There, with eyes closed, I will meet you.
Only known through half-remembered dreams
and second-hand accounts. We've arranged
to introduce ourselves at the edge of the lake.
Together we'll walk in the autumn sunshine
and talk about Wild Geese and why Franny
won't get up from the sofa. Or maybe we can just share
those few thoughts that may have passed unconsciously
between us while one was rising, and the other just falling
asleep.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The Simplest Thing
"Advice? I would say there is one basic idea that should be kept in mind in all the exchanges we make in life, whether of career or anything else. We should decide not in view of better pay, higher rank, 'getting ahead', but in view of becoming more real, entering more authentically into direct contact with life, living as a free and mature human person, able to give myself more to others, able to understand myself and the world better. I hope that these few notes may be of some use."
-Thomas Merton
-Thomas Merton
I've spent the past two days trying to find a better way of saying an extremely simple sentence.
I quit my job on Monday.
More to come.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Life
In the fall of 2005 I took a riverboat trip down the Yangtze River. Living in extremely confined quarters with a group of 28 college students for a week was often trying and occasionally rewarding. While on the trip, a friend and I sat down with our journals and decided that we were going to begin our lists of things we wanted to accomplish with our lives. The idea started when Tom heard a NPR story about a man who had passed away somewhat recently. Early in his life, he made a list of things he wanted to accomplish before his death. During his wake, his family hung the list in the funeral home and every single item on his list was checked off.
After two and a half years, it seems like time to make the list public. I'm happy to say that I've accomplished some of the items, added to the list, and removed things that don't make sense. The things on this list range from academic to personal and from enormous trips to learning carpentry. I'm glad I took the time to write this in 2005 and even happier that I finally took a chance to revisit it now.
The Life Goals List
Bethlehem for Christmas
Cairo
Trans-Siberian Express
Visit the Church of San Giovanni in Laterano in Rome. Climb the stairs on your knees.
Trekking in Bhutan
Week at the monastery in Taize
Learn (or make the best attempt to learn) Biblical Hebrew and New Testament Greek (x)
Biblical Schloar: Gospel of John or Pentateuch
Ph. D.
MA Theology
Complete a book of short stories
Complete a poetry manuscript
Children's fantasy novel
Publish an essay on Sin & Redemption in Tolkien
Spend a week in Thomas Merton's monastery
Backpack the Pacific Crest Trail
Ironwoman
Learn carpentry
Touch all the continents
Be in Mexico for the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Kayak around the arctic circle
See Carmen in France
Hug a redwood in California (x)
See the Mississippi Headwaters (x)
After two and a half years, it seems like time to make the list public. I'm happy to say that I've accomplished some of the items, added to the list, and removed things that don't make sense. The things on this list range from academic to personal and from enormous trips to learning carpentry. I'm glad I took the time to write this in 2005 and even happier that I finally took a chance to revisit it now.
The Life Goals List
Bethlehem for Christmas
Cairo
Trans-Siberian Express
Visit the Church of San Giovanni in Laterano in Rome. Climb the stairs on your knees.
Trekking in Bhutan
Week at the monastery in Taize
Learn (or make the best attempt to learn) Biblical Hebrew and New Testament Greek (x)
Biblical Schloar: Gospel of John or Pentateuch
Ph. D.
MA Theology
Complete a book of short stories
Complete a poetry manuscript
Children's fantasy novel
Publish an essay on Sin & Redemption in Tolkien
Spend a week in Thomas Merton's monastery
Backpack the Pacific Crest Trail
Ironwoman
Learn carpentry
Touch all the continents
Be in Mexico for the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Kayak around the arctic circle
See Carmen in France
Hug a redwood in California (x)
See the Mississippi Headwaters (x)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Addicted to You
I have a problem.
Last night I went to the St. Joseph the Worker Fundraiser. I managed to arrive in time for the "fill a paper bag with second-hand books for four dollars!" part of the evening.
Uh-oh. In the twenty-four hours previous I had been strongly encouraged to apply for a MA in systematics for the fall of '08. An hour previous I had a lovely dinner and drinks with two long-lost friends. Now I was suddenly offered the chance to go crazy with second hand books for the the rock-bottom price of four dollars. AND I could tell myself that I was really supporting a volunteer program in The Cities. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty wonderful.
Forty some odd books and two ripped paper bags later, I found myself trying to categorize my purchases. I had one truly phenomenal find, some good finds, and some books I thought others would love. The books all fall in to one of four categories.
1. Theology (sub categories will be noted)
4: Literary Theory/Non-Fiction
5. Fiction/Drama
6. Books purchased for others
Because I think that bookshelves are a pretty good indication of how well you can get along with another person (and because I have a sick, sick obsession with making lists), I thought it might be interesting to share the new additions to my already over-stocked shelves.
Enjoy this little look into my Psyche.
Theology (Spirituality)
C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed
Henri Nouwen: Can You Drink The Cup?
Joan Chittister, OSB: Wisdom Distilled from the Daily: Living the Rule of Benedict Today
Henri Nouwen: The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom
Theology (Biblical Studies)
Synopsis of the Four Gospels
Jerome Biblical Commentary
Literary Interpretations of Biblical Narratives Vol II
Theology (Liberation, also including Sex & Gender)
Helen M. Luke: Women, Earth, and Spirit: The Feminine in Symbol and Myth
Richard A. Norris, Jr. (ed): The Christological Controversy
William G Rusch (ed): The Trinitarian Controversy
Robert Blair Kaiser: The Politics of Sex and Religion
Human Sexuality: New Directions in American Catholic Thought
Karen Kennelly, C.S.J. (ed): American Catholic Women: A Historical Exploration
Gustavo Gutierrez: We Drink From Our Own Wells: The Spiritual Journey of a People
Gustavo Gutierrez: A Theology of Liberation
Lit Theory/Non-Fiction
Fredrick Engels: The Condition of the Working Class in England
Susan Brownmiller: Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape
Henry David Thoreau: Walden and Civil Disobedience
Kitty Ferguson: Stephen Hawking: Quest for a Theory of Everything
Barbara Ehrenreich: Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America
Richard L. McGuire: Passionate Attention: An Introduction to Literary Study
Arundhati Roy: War Talk
New French Feminisms: Writings by Simone de Beauvoir, Helen Cixous, Annie Leclerc, and others
Stanley Fish: Is There a Text in This Class? The Authority of Interpretive Communities
Fiction/Drama
Vergil: The Aeneid
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: The Complete Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Antoine de Saint Exupery: The Little Prince
Yann Martel: The Life of Pi
Jane Austen: Persuasion
Madeline L'Engle: A Live Coal In The Sea
Toni Morrison: Love
John Steinbeck: The Pearl; The Red Pony
Jack Kerouac: The Subterraneans
Six Great Modern Short Novels (The Dead: Joyce; Billy Budd: Melville; Noon Wine: Porter; The Overcoat: Gogol; The Pilgrim Hawk: Wescott; The Bear: Faulkner)
Hannah Green: I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Carl Sandberg: The Fiery Trial
Alice Walker: The Temple of My Familiar
Lorraine Hansberry: A Raisin in the Sun
Shakespeare: The Taming of the Shrew
Books for Others
Bob and Jenna Torres: Vegan Freak: Being Vegan in a Non-Vegan World (For Krista's roommate, Katy)
Steven Spielberg: Close Encounters of the Third Kind (I actually have no idea how this ended up in my bag)
Lee Iacocca: Where Have All the Leaders Gone? (Father Prosen cannot stop talking about how much he wants to read this book)
Last night I went to the St. Joseph the Worker Fundraiser. I managed to arrive in time for the "fill a paper bag with second-hand books for four dollars!" part of the evening.
Uh-oh. In the twenty-four hours previous I had been strongly encouraged to apply for a MA in systematics for the fall of '08. An hour previous I had a lovely dinner and drinks with two long-lost friends. Now I was suddenly offered the chance to go crazy with second hand books for the the rock-bottom price of four dollars. AND I could tell myself that I was really supporting a volunteer program in The Cities. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty wonderful.
Forty some odd books and two ripped paper bags later, I found myself trying to categorize my purchases. I had one truly phenomenal find, some good finds, and some books I thought others would love. The books all fall in to one of four categories.
1. Theology (sub categories will be noted)
4: Literary Theory/Non-Fiction
5. Fiction/Drama
6. Books purchased for others
Because I think that bookshelves are a pretty good indication of how well you can get along with another person (and because I have a sick, sick obsession with making lists), I thought it might be interesting to share the new additions to my already over-stocked shelves.
Enjoy this little look into my Psyche.
Theology (Spirituality)
C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed
Henri Nouwen: Can You Drink The Cup?
Joan Chittister, OSB: Wisdom Distilled from the Daily: Living the Rule of Benedict Today
Henri Nouwen: The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom
Theology (Biblical Studies)
Synopsis of the Four Gospels
Jerome Biblical Commentary
Literary Interpretations of Biblical Narratives Vol II
Theology (Liberation, also including Sex & Gender)
Helen M. Luke: Women, Earth, and Spirit: The Feminine in Symbol and Myth
Richard A. Norris, Jr. (ed): The Christological Controversy
William G Rusch (ed): The Trinitarian Controversy
Robert Blair Kaiser: The Politics of Sex and Religion
Human Sexuality: New Directions in American Catholic Thought
Karen Kennelly, C.S.J. (ed): American Catholic Women: A Historical Exploration
Gustavo Gutierrez: We Drink From Our Own Wells: The Spiritual Journey of a People
Gustavo Gutierrez: A Theology of Liberation
Lit Theory/Non-Fiction
Fredrick Engels: The Condition of the Working Class in England
Susan Brownmiller: Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape
Henry David Thoreau: Walden and Civil Disobedience
Kitty Ferguson: Stephen Hawking: Quest for a Theory of Everything
Barbara Ehrenreich: Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America
Richard L. McGuire: Passionate Attention: An Introduction to Literary Study
Arundhati Roy: War Talk
New French Feminisms: Writings by Simone de Beauvoir, Helen Cixous, Annie Leclerc, and others
Stanley Fish: Is There a Text in This Class? The Authority of Interpretive Communities
Fiction/Drama
Vergil: The Aeneid
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: The Complete Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Antoine de Saint Exupery: The Little Prince
Yann Martel: The Life of Pi
Jane Austen: Persuasion
Madeline L'Engle: A Live Coal In The Sea
Toni Morrison: Love
John Steinbeck: The Pearl; The Red Pony
Jack Kerouac: The Subterraneans
Six Great Modern Short Novels (The Dead: Joyce; Billy Budd: Melville; Noon Wine: Porter; The Overcoat: Gogol; The Pilgrim Hawk: Wescott; The Bear: Faulkner)
Hannah Green: I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Carl Sandberg: The Fiery Trial
Alice Walker: The Temple of My Familiar
Lorraine Hansberry: A Raisin in the Sun
Shakespeare: The Taming of the Shrew
Books for Others
Bob and Jenna Torres: Vegan Freak: Being Vegan in a Non-Vegan World (For Krista's roommate, Katy)
Steven Spielberg: Close Encounters of the Third Kind (I actually have no idea how this ended up in my bag)
Lee Iacocca: Where Have All the Leaders Gone? (Father Prosen cannot stop talking about how much he wants to read this book)
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