Application

POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND APPLICATION FORM
DATE: ___-____-____

POSITION: ______________________________________________

FULL NAME: ______________________________________________

PRESENT ADDRESS:
_____________________________________________ (Out of state applications accepted)

HOME PHONE: _____________________ MOBILE: _________________________

SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER: _____-______-_______

DATE OF BIRTH: _____-_______-_____

KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DESIRED (please circle): CASUAL OPEN LONG-DISTANCE LONG- TERM OTHER (please describe)_____________________________________________________________

AVAILABLE START DATE: _____-______-______

MINIMUM HOURS PER WEEK: ____ MAXIMUM HOURS PER WEEK: ____

HAVE YOU EVERY BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: YES / NO (please circle)
IF YES PLEASE EXPLAIN: ______________________________________________

HAVE YOU EVERY BEEN ACCUSED OF AN EMOTIONAL CRIME: YES / NO (please circle)
IF YES PLEASE EXPLAIN: ______________________________________________



EDUCATION HISTORY

TYPE OF SCHOOL: ______________________________________________

NAME OF SCHOOL: ______________________________________________

LOCATION: ______________________________________________

YEARS ATTENDED: _________________________________________

QUALIFICATION OBTAINED: ______________________________________________

GPA: ______________________________________________

STANDARDIZED TESTS, DATES, AND SCORES: ______________________________________________

HONORS ACHIEVED: ______________________________________________


TYPE OF SCHOOL: ______________________________________________

NAME OF SCHOOL: ______________________________________________

LOCATION: ______________________________________________

YEARS ATTENDED: _________________________________________

QUALIFICATION OBTAINED: ______________________________________________

GPA: ______________________________________________

STANDARDIZED TESTS, DATES, AND SCORES: ______________________________________________

HONORS ACHIEVED: ______________________________________________

DATING HISTORY:

NAME OF PARTNER: _________________________________________________

DATES OF RELATIONSHIP: ______________________

REASON FOR LEAVING: ____________________________________________

NAME OF PARTNER: _________________________________________________

DATES OF RELATIONSHIP: ______________________

REASON FOR LEAVING: ____________________________________________

NAME OF PARTNER: _________________________________________________

DATES OF RELATIONSHIP: ______________________

REASON FOR LEAVING: ____________________________________________

REFERENCES (please, no “Bromances”):

NAME: ______________________________________________

RELATIONSHIP: ______________________________________________

PHONE NUMBER: ________________________________


NAME: ______________________________________________

RELATIONSHIP: ______________________________________________

PHONE NUMBER: ________________________________



NAME: ______________________________________________

RELATIONSHIP: ______________________________________________

PHONE NUMBER: ________________________________

Please attach a current resume/curriculum vitae and tax return

Please continue on to next page

QUESTIONNAIRE:

ARE YOU OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A MEMBER OF ONE OF THE FOLLOWING ORGANIZATIONS: National Rifle Association, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, The Republican National Party, The Green Party, The Libertarian or Constitutionalists Parties, or Pro-Life America?

HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN MONEY TO ONE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED? IF SO, PLEASE EXPLAIN YOUR MOTIVATION FOR GIVING:

PLEASE LIST THE PERIODICALS AND NEWSPAPERS YOU READ REGULARLY:

PLEASE LIST THE FIVE MOST INFLUENTIAL BOOKS YOU’VE READ:

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN COMPARED TO A LUMBERJACK?: YES/NO

WHAT ABOUT A COWBOY?: YES/NO

WHAT ABOUT A CARPENTER?: YES/NO

HAVE YOU READ THE ESSENTIAL RUMI?: YES/NO

DO YOU DANCE?: YES FREQUENTLY, ON OCCASION, NEVER

DO YOU SMOKE?: YES, YES, BUT TRYING TO QUIT, NO, BUT USE OTHER TOBACCO PRODUCTS, NO

COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING:

Pride and Prejudice is:

a. Among the greatest novels ever written.

b. A snoozer, but I read it.

c. A chick flick starring Keira Knightley

d. A novel that’s been on my “To read” list for ages

The women I’ve dated in the past are:

a. Crazy. All of them.

b. Great women and still friends, but not the right fit romantically.

c. Virtual.

d. Now taking religious vows

The best way to get over a bad day is to:

a. Go running

b. Drink a glass of wine and curl up on the couch with the baseball game

c. Snuggle

d. All of the above

My Mother:

a. Still does my laundry

b. Lives just around the corner

c. And I have a healthy, although adult, relationship

d. Is a raging bitch

Poetry:

a. Is a necessary part of understanding our world

b. Makes me sleepy

c. Is for women and gay men

d. Is something I regularly write out on napkins and read to complete strangers at poetry slams

How often do you go fishing?:

a. A few times a week

b. A few times a month

c. A few times a year

d. Never

Shows on HBO:

a. Are the devil’s work—all glamorized sex, drugs, and violence

b. Some of the most innovative television writing I’ve ever seen

c. I don’t know—I don’t own a television and don’t watch tv online

d. Are amazing, but I prefer Joss Whedon’s work

Extreme displays of geekiness (here defined as enthusiasm for comics, fascination with medieval siege weaponry, ownership of more than three young adult fantasy series) in the opposite sex are:

a. Endearing

b. Horrifying

c. Awesome

d. A and C

Five adjectives to describe yourself: _____________________________________________________________________________________

Top three most frequently played albums in your Itunes: _____________________________________________________________________________________

Without looking up the answers, complete the following to the best of your ability (bonus points for added lines, titles, and authors):

It’s a dangerous business going out your front door…

Young people say, “What is the sense of our small effort…”

I never wanted to be your weekend lover…

You know those days when you have the mean reds…

For beauty is nothing…

Jesus don’t cry…

Charm is deceptive and beauty…

They look like caricatures of used car dealers from Dallas, and sweet Jesus…

Character IS fate…

A horse! A horse…

Congratulations! You have completed the application for the position of Kelly’s Boyfriend. If you have included a valid telephone number you will be contacted within two weeks of dropping off your application if you have been selected for an interview. Please do not call to request the status of your application.